January 20, 2009

5:35 p.m.

Speech

I'm waiting for the rebroadcast of Obama's speech; I was coming back from my allergist's office when it ran live, and it's due to be shown again in a few minutes, I think.

My friend Red in Austin sent me a colossal care package. She mentioned that she was sending me "some fabrics," stuff she's had left over from her various quilts. I thought, oh, cool, a few pieces of fabric. I wasn't prepared for the volume! I haven't seen this great a collection of batiks in a fabric store. And she included lots of other stuff: a DVD on Rumi, some tea bags, buttons galore, a sweet, bright necklace with orange stones, some glittery eye/body powder, a yoga-type workout tank top, a scarf made in India, a cool dish towel, two stunning hunks of rock with crystals popping out of them. I really needed this kind of caring today. It was the kind of day where I was muttering, "You can't give up until everything is lost." I came home from the allergist and just went to bed and slept for two hours. My guts had been troublesome all morning, my mood just as bad. When I woke up and gathered myself back together I remembered the box. I'm very touched that she put so much care and thought into it.

I hadn't seen Dr. Lou in ten or fifteen years. He's a close associate of Rose's -- down the hall from her office in fact -- and he has always waived any fees associated with my visits. He's a remarkable doctor in that, once he comes in the consult room, he is ALL YOURS and has all the time in the world to talk to you. God bless him. I got retested for standard allergens with the forearm-prick test -- trees, grasses, weeds. We skipped cats because we know I'm allergic to them anyway. The only real culprit was dust, again. Those buggery spots welted up and I got red all the way to my upper arm.

He also talked to me about the IBS, and made the suggestion that corn is sometimes a big culprit. He said I could try a corn elimination regimen for a few weeks, which he described as "a terrible diet" (as challenging as rooting out gluten, only not as depressing). As for the eczema, he gave me a couple of non-steroid things to try and outlined a more systematic soaking/lotioning program.

My breathing test was normal. They have you blow into a tube as hard as you can. The tube's connected to a machine that measures your capacity and strength. This is harder than it looks, because the tube is about 1" in diameter so there's no resistance. Deep breath, blow like hell, inhale suddenly and fully. Do this 3 times. Get a little dizzy. Anyway he said I could even try going off the Asmanex, though because I regularly play with Rose's kitties I might still need it.

All in all, a good and useful visit.

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A third bill came in from the hospital. The total is now over $5,000, much more than any of us thought it would be. I hate to tell Dar about this newest one. He's just sunk ten grand into his house in Florida, repairing and cleaning up after a heavy smoker who never took care of anything. I think I'll have to call the hospital to get on a payment plan. It makes me feel plenty guilty, I can tell you, even though Dar is the one who insisted I should do it and it was necessary. I know it was. I'm just tired of feelng like a parasite to all the humanity that is important to me.

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And the final thing that is upsetting my apple cart today is that I finally decided to send a little email to Will. I'd looked at his donor-awareness website as I mentioned, and there was a contact link there. After a false attempt at writing something that was appropriately short but supportive, friendly but prudent, I went back later and came up with something I thought was okay. I was aware that this "info" address might be something his wife deals with. It's just for folks responding to the bike ride and the website, and she was clearly very involved in the organization of the project. So I didn't want to get into anything -- even if he got it directly. I just congratulated him and sent a little cheer -- taking on faith that this impulse was a good one and that I wasn't stirring up any bad feelings.

I truly doubt that I would -- I was the one all crushed and mangled by the whole thing, after all. I'm just really steeled against rejection right now. I had to do it, for good or ill. I had to get it out of my system. Like a death biscuit, perhaps. Sometimes this "Life on Life's Terms" isn't the adventure it's cracked up to be.

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Well, I'm still waiting to hear the speech.