June 01, 2009

5:59 a.m.

Almost... There... Must... Keep Going...

Where did that weekend go? I'd gotten accustomed to my three-day weekends, but I worked Friday because of the holiday week. Saturday I went to Boston to have a rather brief, early dinner with Dar while he signed papers and then dashed back to rehearsal. Sunday I drove almost an hour to my mortgage broker's house to drop everything off. I'm only short a couple of documents or receipts, and they'll be available later this week and can be faxed.

The one last glitch is that nobody has any money left for closing costs. Rose suggested I ask the broker if they can be added to the loan. We're all just tapped out, period. She also suggested, in another conversation, that I give half of the $8,000 I'll receive as tax rebate back to Josh already. I'm counting on that money to do the kitchen and winterize the house (pellet stoves, chimney caps), and I don't think I can do that on $4,000. It gave me a bad dream early this morning, where Rose was telling me that I was responsible for paying back Josh all the money he'd loaned -- when I'd understood that they were going to pay him back themselves. Oh, well -- I guess it's good that the anxiety is coming out somehow.

Dar and I had a very nice little dinner, anyway -- we went to a cafe near the theatre where he's working and split a big sandwich. We talked a lot about the house and when I left I felt he was much more on board. Something I said the other day really turned him around, I learned. He was saying things like, "What if one of us gets hit by a bus?" and the like, all fear based, and I said, "Well, you can stay right where you are your whole life because you're afraid something might happen, or you can reach out and try to achieve your dreams." What I'd thought was a sort of last-ditch comment to justify my passion for this house turned out to be the thing that woke him up to how he was really thinking about it.

Anyway, I have to get going. The birds are singing, it's a sunny day and work is waiting for me. Must... pay... for House...