March 08, 2008

12:55 a.m.

Friday Morning, Dallas

Bizzare day yesterday. Mates were dropping me off at my neice�s, and we cut it to the last possible moment -- she had to go pick up her kids at school, and I arrived just as she was coming out to the car. Meanwhile Carol had learned just ten minutes prior that her dad died the night before, and she hadn�t gotten the message because their phones were almost out of juice and the charger they left at home which the neighbor mailed to Austin never arrived before we left, so she�d borrowed my phone to pick up messages and was deep in weepy conversation with her sister when we pulled up finally to my neice�s house, in a snowstorm. Just then Chris and I had a terrible, brief spat during which he bit my head off in a very nasty way, and I didn�t have time to process it but had to get my phone back and get out of the car and walk up the slushy walkway calling out, �Hello!� in a merry fashion even though I felt like crying and Carol was sobbing in the front seat. It was horrible.

I stepped inside to use the loo before we picked up the kids, and the tiny house was a wreck with kidstuff and the tv on and no one watching it, and the bathroom door was a pocket door that didn�t latch and I couldn�t find the toilet paper for a while and there were no towels whatsoever to dry my hands on. I brushed my teeth fast -- we�d had sushi in the car and I didn�t want to meet my grandniece & nephews for the first time smelling like fish -- and fought back tears as I dried my hands on my pants. We drove through snow to two schools and got the kids -- not at all the way I�d imagined meeting them; I was almost an afterthought, didn�t get to say what I�d practiced -- and went back to the messy house that smelled vaguely of second hand smoke, even with the ceiling fans going and making the rooms cold.

I�ll just say that after a couple of hours things seemed easier; my neice�s husband got home from work and we found things to talk about, and the almost-7-year-old did her homework after much coaxing and assistance, and the wee toddler threw a few tantrums, and the older kids went out to throw snowballs.

Later they took me out to a buffet, where my new favorite grandneice ate: pizza, mac and cheese, fries, corn on the cob, spaghetti and an ice cream cone. No effort was made by parental units to monitor this... Then it was back to the house, where we discovered the whole neighborhood was without power owing to the storm. We didn�t have directions to my hotel (an hour away), so we went to a neighbor�s house who had electricity and visited there for another half hour or so while they looked them up. Finally we got on the road...

...during which journey the kids got to have snickers, bubble gum and licorice. (They�re both skinny, by the way. For now.) I was wedged in between a car seat which took up a little more than 1/3 of the back so that I was pretty much sitting on my seat belt buckle, and my grandneice on the other side, who had noxious farts for most of the trip. The back windows were locked from up front so I couldn�t even open one. Meanwhile little BamBam in the car seat next to me got a sucker, and about half an hour later became fussy before barfing noisily all over the front of his little jumper.

This neccessitated another stop at another gas station, where we went inside to escape the cold (and the smell) while mom and dad cleaned up BarfBaby with borrowed paper towels. After a purchase of a really strong, artificially scented car freshener, we got back on our way -- the baby�s tainted clothes were tied up in a plastic bag at my feet -- and about eight years later arrived at my hotel.

...where I finally got to cry over the spat Chris and I had had, the third in as many days, and I hated him with all my heart and never wanted to see him ever again.

And I still don�t, although I will, and I�ll be civil too and things will smooth back out, but something broke that time and I can�t love someone who treats me that badly.

I haven�t felt this grieved about a relationship thing in years. We have to rehearse in a little while; maybe I�ll try to go out and find a sandwich first, to be fortified. Everything I ate yesterday was not very good: overcooked, too much salt, not what I ordered. Today it would be good to have something well prepared.