March 11, 2008

12:29 a.m.

Home, Ants

Back from Texas and spent (I am not exaggerating) 10 hours on a huge homework assignment, taking breaks only for needed sustenance, chili-making and necessary trips to the loo. I am amazing. Got it done before the deadline, spent an hour on the phone with Chris working out some tax stuff, and then spoke with Dar for a while. He was thrilled because this afternoon I found out that...

...ready?

My application to the MacDowell Colony artist retreat was ACCEPTED! It's a big deal! I'm hoping to go for 7 weeks this summer -- worked it out with Carol, if they'll let me leave for a couple of days for a gig I can make it a continuous residency.

This is a very famous place, where lots of famous writers and artists have gone. They accepted me! They liked my music! Whoopeeeeeeeee!

It's very validating.

In other news, Chris and I worked out our increasing conflicts in a hotel room in Dallas, with Carol acting as mediator/participant/therapist. It's truly amazing how we can all misinterpret events so thoroughly. I feel not warm and fuzzy but somehow sobered, cracked open inside and changed, but still happy. I had a major epiphany about my dad during our tearful, emotional conversation which, when it struck me, rendered me wide-eyed, gasping and speechless. I could barely articulate it, though it came to me with a stunning clarity. Five minutes later I had only the intellectual understanding of it, not the satori that had initially overcome me. But it helped me understand something about myself and the way I deal with the grief of loss, and consequently with other people's loss. Very interesting.

(This came about because Carol's dad passed away while we were on the road.)

********

Very busy week ahead, playing catch-up, finishing taxes, and making a custom scrapbook for the memorial service next week. Tomorrow: pick up the mail, deposit a check, do the laundry. Get some ant traps for the sudden, unprecedented infestation of black ants. My body isn't used to the time now, what with Daylight Savings and being back in the East; I'm going to bed too late. But I'm happy. My tooth is a little achy, my little patch of funky whatever-it-is on my thumb is painful, I have a persistently itchy spot on my shoulder blade that I can't reach... but I'm happy. There are all sorts of possibilities coming up and I'm going to have a very productive year.

Grinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn