January 12, 2006

7:49 p.m.

Can I Just Eat a Box of Donuts?

The simple putting on of snow tires yesterday took 2-1/2 hours. I'd brought the clear plastic brakelight cover I'd been meaning to replace myself, but putting off for countless weeks, and asked them to put it on. About an hour and a half later, when I went to inquire whether it would be done soon, they told me that there had been some problems. First, the whole light assembly had to be removed to replace the plastic cover, and the lens always breaks. So they replaced the lens. Then it was discovered that the cover they'd ordered for me was for the other side, and they didn't have the right one. He said they'd have it first thing this morning and I could come back for it, and meanwhile they'd put some clear tape over the brakelight so the rain wouldn't get in.

I sighed and acquiesced. An hour later they were done putting the tape on (?!) and I got to Rose's house just in time to throw a load of laundry in and feed the five animals before she got home from work. I'd brought a little sushi, and she picked up some more, so we snarfed raw fish and hied us out the door to the knitting class, which was really fun. I worked on my Carrot Top hat and enjoyed everyone laughing and working on their various projects. Once back at Rose's I collected my clothes and went home in the mysterious fog that had enveloped Connecticut all day and evening.

By the time I went to bed I had the recurring headache again (and let me tell you I am so thoroughly DONE with this headache), so took 3 ibuprofen and tried to sleep it off. Of course I had to get up earlyish to call the Toyota dealer to make sure the part was in, so I was tired and still headachey when I arose. They did indeed have it, so I drove the 50 minutes or so BA-A-ACK to Manchester and waited ANOTHER HOUR for them to put the damned thing on. Why don't they have any goddamned cots in the waiting area? Not even a Highlights magazine to interest me. I struggled to keep awake and not fall out of my chair, splat, onto the mod-patterned dark grey and blue multipurpose carpet that doesn't show stains. I really, really wanted one of those keychain clickers that turn off televisions. I had actual caffeinated coffee to try to sting the headache into remission. It rather worked, finally.

I'd left some leftovers in Rose's fridge and had the idea to pick them up; likewise had several packages to mail, and needed to stop at the bank for some cash for the weekend's trip. But I just couldn't do it. I needed to get home. So, inexplicably, I stopped at Kohl's down the block to see if I could replace my worn-out sneakers, something I've been trying to do for months. I spent almost an hour wandering around aimlessly in this store, not buying anything, when I knew what I really wanted was to be home. They didn't have the sneakers. I mused for a long time over some framed tiles for the kitchen, in a bistro motif, and finally just put them all down suddenly and walked out.

(Sigh)

Then I was determined to have an experience I liked, so for the fourth time this week I went and got sushi. For some reason I've suddenly become enamored of the spicy rolls -- the ones with the cayenne mayo mixed in with the chopped up salmon or crabstick. I've never craved those in my life. But the delicious burning that goes all the way from the throat to the stomach seemed important. Like, nothing else is making me feel awake like the taste of something spicy. Recognizing this lack of passion and interest in my life was very depressing.

However, the sushi was fabulous, and after that and a glass of wine, I knitted for a while. I was so angry. I kept imagining scenes where someone pissed me off and I got to tell them off really effectively. How pathetic to be doing this in my room. All this time the headache was returning, and finally I went to bed in the midafternoon for 3-1/2 hours.

It was an award-winning nap, although it ensured that the day would be relatively unproductive. I don't even want to surmise whether I'll get any sleep tonight, prior to my twelve hour driving day tomorrow. The demon squeezing my brain is taking a break, anyway.

I've done routing to West Virginia, and taken care of a little computer business. I still need to practice and do a CD inventory for taxes. I've no mettle to do either. I'm just swaying here at the bottom of my personal ocean, content to let the brine shrimp and octopi go by and the seaweed wave merrily. On the way out of town tomorrow I have several errands to do that I didn't do today. It's going to be a long-ass day. Today it seems like it's going to be a long-ass life.