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Mid-January, Rain - January 13, 2012
Almost Midwinter - December 14, 2011
Saturday, Noonish, Sunny - November 05, 2011
October, White - October 31, 2011
October, 2011 - October 04, 2011


July 10, 2011

9:27 p.m.

Being Here Now, in All Its Distracted Glory

Distracted is the word. I got fuck-all done today, on account of staying up way too late last night and not getting enough sleep. But was I puttering about on the computer? No. Was I outside doing yardwork or inside doing house repairs? No. I spent about 10 hours with Teller yesterday. It is a veritable honeymoon here these days, with words being said and clothes coming off and breath being taken away. We did manage a couple of practical things -- he vacuumed all the water out of the basement after the torrential, Noah's-flood-magnitude rains we had on Friday. We watched one episode of Her0es. We made dinner and ate it while I looked at photo albums of embarrassing childhood pictures of him and his sprawling, Russian Roma family, most of whom died when he was in college. The whole rest of the visit was spent upstairs in my Southern-exposure bedroom, with the soft bright light coming through the sheers, or, later, the moonlight coming through the sheers, exploring one another in honesty and surprise. I know I don't fall easily any more, not after all that's happened in my life, but I think I will. And meanwhile there is a love of Keatsian proportions growing here. I have told Rose, and Karl has had hints. Everyone is being understanding, about the fact that he is so much younger than I, and also about this superimposition over my relationship with Dar, which is all anyone has known of me for years. I still don't know how I would bring this up to him, but I may eventually want to. I still think he'd rather not know if I was involved with anyone. Dar and I haven't been intimate for over ten years. I don't even know if he's had any involvements. It may be better not to speak of it at all. Right now I'm too distracted to frame anything coherently.

We went today to Karl's father's house to see his greenhouse, seed house and gardens. It's just lovely there. His lady friend is a master gardener, and they've landscaped the place with thousands of black-eyed susans and echinacea and lilies and lilacs and azaleas and baby's breath and rose of sharon and lupines and... Ken gave me several little rooted plants: a nutmeg geranium, a rosemary, a something spruce which isn't an evergreen but a succulent, and a cobweb cactus which is a relative of hens & chicks. Then he gave me a little vial of rooting compound, and I told Rose I'd make cuttings for her when they got big enough to divide. He sells herbs and flowers at a farmers' market, and they do quite well. We also got a few pickling cukes from his garden.

After a stop at Agw@y we came home, and I was asleep in the back seat when they pulled into my driveway. I didn't even know where I was. A nap was in order, so I came in, ate a late lunch and fell into the little bed in the pass through for over two hours. Teller left his hoodie here last night, and it smells so wonderfully of him that I took it to bed with me. Smidge came in towards the end and napped a bit with me (after walking on me for a skritch) and I finally got up and went to do an errand. I'm wiped out. Must do dinner dishes and try to get a night's sleep; tomorrow is another working day.


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