January 27, 2010

8:17 p.m.

I am inexplicably sad. This afternoon I was almost at peace with leaving for a month. By the time I got home I was irritable, and by the end of dinner downright unhappy. With everything: my eating habits, lack of motivation about practicing, lack of exercise, lack of time. I have been productive at work; I feel okay about that. But get me home and I start feeling like I deserve the evening down time that other people have. My hands are flaring continually, miserably. They require constant attention. It alters and hinders everything.

One thing I am promising myself: this is my last tour overseas. My mates can do with it what they will. I can no longer be in the appeasement business. After this, I stay closer to home.