October 25, 2009

7:48 a.m.

All This, and Bitter Coffee, Too

We're providing the sermon along with music at the Unity church here today. The topic was pretty open; they asked us to talk about our life's journey and provide inspirational thoughts. So yesterday at the Wendy's, over bad chili and worse Asian Chicken, we started talking about how much we complain and what's behind that.

A complaint-bound coworker of mine has given me a much greater understanding of the times I choose to bitch about things. I hear almost nothing positive ever come out of his mouth. So I sit there and think, "Boy, what a complainer; doesn't he know he probably chose all these circumstances he's so unhappy about? Why does he feel so disempowered over his life?" Then I catch myself needing to tell somebody, yet again, about the latest thing that's keeping me from being my best. When I'm feeling fragile I want people to know JUST HOW BAD things are, just in case they get worse and I'm unable to perform or I appear less than competent or, heaven forbid, unlikeable. But how often does that happen? Is it really a fear of failure behind all the talk about how beset I am, by eczema, by joint pain, by an overwhelming number of tasks, by IBS, by the guy who didn't want me? Is it a way to stay stuck in victimland so I don't have to take any responsibility for doing better?

I've begun to develop a filter system, where every complaint goes through a little interrogation before coming out of my mouth. Is this relevant? Does it further? Will it lead to a solution? Is there any way to put it in a more positive light? Can I apply humor to defuse it? Am I asking for help, and if so, can I phrase it as a request for help instead of a whiny statement about how bad things are? Do I simply need to grieve over something? Finally, does it really need to be spoken or should I just shut up?

A measurable percentage of complaints never make it out the door this way.

My goal with this system is to annoy others less, and learn to be more understanding with myself when I feel the need to bleat. I forget there are solutions when I'm not feeling good.

I am not, nor will ever be, a Polyanna. But my band has endured the worst years of my complaining and, miraculously, they still love me, and I know they have a much better ride when I'm not so negative.

So we're going to weave some of that into the sermon this morning. Coincidentally, we have songs that will illustrate this facet of our "life's journey" very nicely.

...I took a little detour there to make some notes, and now it's time to get packed. IHop for breakfast!!