August 26, 2009

8:10 a.m.

Tuesday Night

I had a chimney guy go out and assess the state of my two chimneys today, and he agreed with the insurance inspector that they were crumbly. They need, according to him, $2300 worth of work. I cried and cursed, and then rearranged the budget so that Dar and I could almost sort of maybe afford to do it before winter, even though the cost wouldn�t quite squeeze into the tax bux rebate. Hard as it was, I knew it was important to the (alleged, repeat) inspection (which I haven�t been able to get confirmation is even happening). Then it felt good to think that something, anyway, something big, would be well and truly fixed and done, and we won�t have to think about it next year along with all the other renovations that we have to do next year.

Then, tonight Rose and Marc called with further thoughts. Marc wondered if Chimney Guy was maybe taking a little advantage of a single woman in dire straits and charging me more than he ought to. Also the fact that he came right out and looked at them within a couple of hours makes it look like he�s not working and is hungry for the job. I have to confess here that I HATE shopping around for the lowest bid for a job. It�s pesky, confusing and I just loathe it, period. It pushes all my bad buttons and I don�t know why but there it is. So Marc wants me to get a couple of different estimates in writing, and they�ll see that I�m intending to fix the chimneys right away and that I�ve moved forward on it and they�ll be happy. Later, when they�ve gone away, we�ll tarp the chimneys by cutting a hole in the middle and binding the tarp around the outside so no more water will seep in to destroy the mortar, and the flashing won�t leak, and we�ll put the stove pipe and cap in the dining room one and simply cover the living room one (no fires this winter, sorry) and forget about it until next year when there is (allegedly) more money.

1. This brings disappointment because the expense and trouble will still be waiting for me next year, along with everything else we�re putting off.

2. This brings stress because what if they follow up and see that I never did the chimneys at all yet, but covered them with plastic instead? Do they do follow up inspections? Will I get in trouble with authority?

3. This brings anger because, in truth, we pretty much can�t afford to fix them this year anyway, not without cutting corners somewhere else AND remaining broke. But I want them fixed!

First I was getting a kitchen, now I�m not getting a kitchen until �sometime next year.� Then I was getting new chimneys, now I�m living with plastic all over my roof like a Down East squatter. (Oh yeah, the back bedroom roof also has to be tarped, because we�re doing that next year, too. At least you can�t see that from the front of the house.) And Marc has really talked up this cool internet thing where he beams his connection from their roof to mine. He even researched the super antennae we�ll need. But I suspect that won�t happen til next year either, because it�s several hundred $$ to set up and it will take far more time than he has available. We might have to cut down some forest or something. I�m not kidding. So probably I�ll have to shell out for internet, which is a lot of money, and I don�t even know if they have to do something to the phone line and I only have one jury-rigged phone jack in the house anyway, and I can�t even imagine how much cable internet would cost. I was trying to save money by not subscribing. Hence the antenna caper. But I�m losing faith that any but the most basic and urgent things will get accomplished.

Meanwhile, I continue to scrape paint off the dining room ceiling.

I guess I could look for black tarps, at least.

Oh, WAHHH, Bornearly, your trials are SO BIG, you have it so hard, you stupid whiner.

Oh, fuck off.

Wednesday Morning, When I Ought to Be Working

Feeling a bit better about it all. I brought the phone book so I could call some more Chimney Men. Marc is coming out tonight to disassemble their large metal shelf units that have been in my yard for several weeks, and he�ll help me get the weeder started so I can do something about the burgeoning lawn. Grass� it just keeps growing.

Part of what perpetuates the stress is living with half my stuff, and most of the house unusable because it either needs renovation or it�s a storage area for boxes and so forth that I can�t put anywhere else yet. I�m getting impatient to see more results inside. Marc said he would show me how to start taking the front bedroom apart. I�m kind of excited about this. I have to remove the walls and ceiling right down to the lath! When that room is done, I�ll move into it and start on the back bedroom.

It was clear this morning. I saw a star before it got light. But boy, it was hard to get up at 5:00. At least tomorrow is Thursday, my Friday.

Yesterday I was researching birds online and I discovered that the call which I had been attributing to the Mistle Thrush since last summer, actually belongs to the Wood Thrush. This is good news really, because I love wood thrushes and I saw one earlier this year in the woods on Rose�s side of the stone wall. They�re this wonderful cinnamon-brown color, with a dappled breast. To think that beautiful song belongs to that beautiful bird makes me happy in the midst of all this stress.

And now, I�d better get to work.