November 30, 2008

10:19 a.m.

Renovations

I had a really lovely talk with Steve, my ex-ex-boyfriend from about 3-1/2 years ago. We talk or visit every so often, and I had this urge to call him yesterday. We ended up getting into some more personal territory this time than usual, and it was nice to find commonality and talk a little more heart to heart. I told him about my struggle to find passion any more, to feel something out of the ordinary in life, and he said it was exactly what he'd been going through. It helped lift my spirits a little.

Also we had a pretty good, though rusty, rehearsal yesterday and over lunch I told C&C about my ideas for exploring music in new ways. This is on a more metaphysical level. I talked about some of the dreams I've been having and how the Seth book is influencing how I think about music. They really seemed to get it. It was gratifying. Steve also seemed to understand what I was saying about a level of reality based on sound, this place I pass through sometimes on my way to sleep where I hear all these beautiful tones. I felt quite supported and that, in turn, made me even more interested in these ideas. I have no idea how to proceed, to get more adept at finding that state, because it usually doesn't work. But when it does, it's remarkable. Anyway I feel I'm moving toward a new structure in my life, a landscape where music lives that looks very different from anywhere I've been so far.

Meanwhile I picked up a package at Rose's last night and got to see what Marc and his visiting pal Larry had done in the kitchen. After they fixed the pellet stove on Thanksgiving, they decided to move ahead with taking out a short kitchen wall the last residents had built over the original brick wall that had housed a wood stove. It had been there the first time Rose had gone and looked at the house, but a year later when they actually bought the house, the kitchen had been all changed. They're going to put a stove back in there, maybe another pellet stove, but first the little "renovation" had to be undone. So they tore the wall out and found a non-period brick hearth which they proceeded to smash out with sledgehammers. Rose was interested to see whether there was any good wood under the several layers of bad linoleum dating back to around 1950, but it's just rough planks. They'll redo the floor along with everything else.

The wall section they removed had a couple of built-in cubbies for recipe books and such. As they were moving it outside to take to the dump, Marc commented that it felt heavier than before. Once they were outside, out jumped Linus the cat (who is not supposed to be outside) and took off across the yard. It was a brilliant escape plan (like a prisoner going out in the laundry truck) but he was intercepted at the picket fence and forced to go back inside. Damn! Another attempt foiled.

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Weird thing happening lately: my balance is a little precarious. I keep losing my balance a little when I'm not doing anything particularly balancy. Like standing in my bedroom and turning to reach for something, or just looking off to one side, suddenly I'm off center. I don't feel congested or anything, but it doesn't always show. Maybe a little Sudafed will help.

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Dar and I are taking my family to see this lunatic in February, as a Christmas present. The band is coming, too. My family have never seen him. My bandmates and I met him at an entertainment conference some years ago and went to one of his shows maybe in 2005. He doesn't perform much in the States. He's remarkable, adorable, brilliant and utterly unattainable. That's why I love him.

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I worked on books Friday and last night. It was good to get back to it. On Friday I started out making a lot of measuring mistakes because I'd been away from it for so long. By last night I had a rhythm going. I am almost out of glue and bookboard, so a trip to Jerry's Artarama is in order when I return from Michigan next week. I love going there. Also I will look forward to getting into a book I got a couple of months ago, on various open-spine bindings, which I have not had the time to investigate yet. There will be lots of time. I'm ready to branch out into some new styles.

Meanwhile it's a very overcast day in Connecticut. My plants are happy, my kitchen table's a mess, and I have much to do before leaving for that long, long drive tomorrow. Might as well get to it.