Halloweeny

8:09 p.m.

Veil

I am trying to conceive of an existence outside of time, where things don't pass in linear order, and I just can't do it.

So instead I am enjoying the taste of peanut butter in my mouth, and patting myself on the back for finally starting the painting of the living room trim tonight. I just did one end of the room, from the balcony door, along the back wall, past the door to the front stairs. Primer only so far, and I didn't do all the narrow bits adjoining the wall because by then it was very cold with the door open and someone in the neighborhood was playing a boom box that did NOT go with the meditation music I was playing.

That's okay. I made a start, and the living room is now in such disorder that I won't be able to do a thing in there until I finish this project. I knew I'd wait until I had a lot on my plate and then cram it in somehow. I've still wanted to make some more books for Texas. It's conceivable I can still do it.

I have smears of primer on my hands. I did manage to keep it off my clothes. Painting is hard on the back but so satisfying when it's done. And this living room is going to look so beautiful!!

I promised Rose I'd go help them paint a little too, tomorrow, at their old house. I made a lovely turkey vegetable stew today and I'll take the rest over there to feed them lunch. I must also start practicing again this weekend -- my callouses are fading. Ah well. All that movement and change going on.

Today was very much about food; I tried a recipe for gluten free waffles, and while it needs some tweaking (why is every gluten free recipe I find runny?), I think it's workable. I certainly ate enough of them to indicate that I liked them.

Apart from the above I did very little that was productive today. I spent some time in my new chair finishing a movie and watching Heroes on Netflix. I went to the grocery store. I looked out the window at Fall colors. I sent an email to my bandmates touching on some pertinent subjects and opening the door to further conversation. I loved my apartment. I imagined a solvent life. I talked to Dar, who sang me a squeak song and then did his impersonation of a tap-dancing mouse. (You have to be there.) I emailed with Jonnie, my darling friend from Austin who has moved to Albuquerque but been sick ever since. That ain't no way to start a new life.

I'm still trying to enter a little into this different sleep pattern, though I know it'll go all to hell when we leave. One thing I like about it is that, if done right, I can stay up until 2am. It wasn't until this came up that I keyed into all the anxiety I have around going to bed. I always think I stay up too late and then I'll miss the whole morning if I sleep in. But I don't really want to go to bed before midnight or one. If I'm only getting just over half my sleep at night anyway though, I can stay up later and still get up early. I'll make another attempt tonight, as I'll have all the chance I need to nap late tomorrow. I didn't quite do it last night.

I put the nail wrap on my guitar-picking nails this morning. I'd left it off for a couple of weeks to let my nails breathe. I can't remember the last time I was able to do that. Give me strength and stamina to do what all I need to do.

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This being the night when the veil between worlds is thin, I wish I knew a way to contact my mum. She died six years ago, near this time of year. I wonder if she can see me better right now. Maybe I'll go light a candle for her. Cheers and good spirits, everyone.