October 28, 2008

11:22 p.m.

Making Space, Receiving Grace

I found the perfect reading chair at a funky little gift/consignment shop today. It used to be a plant nursery, and since it changed hands last year I hadn't even stopped in. But it's only a minute from the laundromat, so I went round during the wash cycle to see what they had.

It's part flea market, part local crafts, part new stuff and tchatchkee that you don't know where it came from. Hallowe'en figurines. Rosemary topiaries. Used books. Tons of jewelry. A little of everything. Plus a room full of mostly 50s furniture.

And then there was this chair. Sort of a mint green with velour-ish upholstery, soft and cushy. I sat in it. It rocked. It swiveled. It was wide enough to curl up in.

I was looking for something not unlike these two yellow chairs I had in the 90s, that rocked and swiveled. And lo, here it was. It was in extremely good shape, and best of all, only $20!

I could hardly believe my good fortune.

I bought the chair and arranged to have it picked up later in the week (with Wes's help). Then I filled out a form to put my papasan chair on consignment. They take 50% -- so I didn't expect to get much for it in any case. But I was going to give it to my neice-by-marriage anyway, and she didn't have room for it. So getting $30 was a bonus. That would pay for the replacement chair and still give me $10.

But, lo, again! My friend Melissa called today needing a book for a friend's birthday. We arranged for her to come over tonight to look over the stock, and not only did she buy an excellent one, she also bought the papasan! For $30! What a deal, and we even got it into her little car.

AND, most amazing of all, in the middle of our conversation about the rigors of touring, she insisted that I needed a massage, tonight. So I got an awesome massage, some cash, and some extra space in my living room. She is the bestest friend.

When we get back from Texas I'll go down and give her a long Reiki session in exchange, as is our arrangement.

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I'm sure having fun reading about homeopathy, but my thumb is very sore and bubbly right now.

I had the insight, as she was digging into my back, that all my issues are on the right side of my body. All the eczema; a little congestion in my right ear; one toenail that for a few months grew out kind of thicker than usual and then reverted to normal thickness; all the major muscle knots she found. I wonder what significance a homeopath would attach to that.

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Tomorrow I journey to NJ to see lots of friends. I hope that the antisocial gastric condition I've had for several days abates enough to allow me to be in company all day. What the hell AM I supposed to be eating, anyway?!

I had the most interesting dream sequence this morning, I think it was before the first time I got up. I forgot much of it, but an early scene had me searching delightedly through a trunk of small treasures that were somehow mine, though I was just discovering them. I was wearing my iPod and listening to some beautiful, soothing music. (Oh -- just remembered another moment, where I found the Nano you had wanted, Brin -- I didn't know I had this extra one, and thought, "Oh, I could have sent this to her and saved her all that trouble with the fake one!" :) ) At some point the room, or another room I was in, began to flood with some kind of poisonous or dangerous waters, and it came in so quickly I was going to be drowned. I went to teleport myself into another room, and it didn't happen right away but apparently I got away in time -- explored a bit more before the water, now kind of pinkish-red and evil looking, came oozing in through a doorway and spreading quickly into the room.

I stood at some kind of borderline -- can't remember if there was really a line -- where I simply refused to allow it to go any farther, leaned down to it, and shouted powerfully,

"I am the master of you!"

four times, for good measure, and then yelled with great authority, "Go back to where you came from!"

and it stopped. It even turned a kind of waxy consistency so it couldn't run any more.

Later, awake, I wondered if it was the eczema.

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So I tried this waking up early and sleeping in two segments thing. Night before last I set my alarm for early, but halfway through the night I woke up and realized I'd never get up in two hours or whatever it was, so I turned the alarm off.

Last night I said to my guides, "Okay, if this experiment is a good one and you want me to wake up way early tomorrow, you wake me. I'm not setting the alarm. Wake me gently and let me be rested enough to get up."

So I awoke at 5:15 after, oh, something under five hours of sleep, and managed to get up shortly thereafter for the first half of the experiment. (The idea is that you stay up for some hours, and then get the rest of your sleep later in a longish nap. I know it's a bizarre idea, but there are reasons why it might be useful to do.) So I'm up by 5:30. It's dark. It's quiet. It's cold. What the heck do I DO at this hour? Don't want to work out yet; can't do errands. Not knitting anything right now. So... I took out the book I've been reading about all this, and got in a few pages. Had a cup of tea. Finished cooking the oatmeal I soaked last night. Within maybe 2-1/2 hours I was absolutely tired again, so I went back to bed and slept til 11.

The idea would be, eventually, that I'd nap 2 or 3 hours in the late afternoon, and then sleep at night from maybe 2am until 6 or 7. This will get all interrupted by my NJ trip and, next week, by the Texas tour. And it'll be challenging because I am not normally an early morning person. However, what else am I doing with my life right now except playing with eczema remedies, trying to get some exercise and otherwise resting my psyche? Might as well experiment with sleep patterns. It could make dreams much more vivid and interesting, among other things.

It's all tied in with this idea that we're creating our realities here, literally on some deep level creating the physical world and all the stuff we go through, crappy and good. And that there's an intelligent reason why we're presenting ourselves with particular lessons. The notion was hard for me to entertain when I first heard about it, but I'm curious enough to try it on and see how it affects my attitude. It certainly shifts responsibility.

I have to leave around 10:30 though, so I will not be getting up in the small hours this time... unless the guides get me up.

It's raining again, just the way the day started. Very wintry outside tonight, cold and windy. I'm grateful for the grace of this apartment, for this temporal space, this rest.