September 09, 2008

5:03 p.m.

And the Earth Shook a Little

Just let me have my little fantasy here.

Rose and I have been emailing a lot while I've been here with access, and she said they're letting go of one of their front office employees because, though the nicest young thing, she just isn't working out. This is a doctor's office with four clerical/reception staff, very busy, very cooperative, etc. They've had a series of people in this fourth spot and apparently nobody has been able to cut it. The other three are wonderfully competent, with great personalities, and it's a very congenial atmosphere. However, with some major changes in their medical organization coming up, December is going to be restructuring hell and they're now desperate to fill that spot with someone permanent and good. It's three days a week with a variety of duties and a good amount of plate-juggling.

She did not tell me this to inquire whether I'd be interested; it was just office news. But when I read it, part of me longed to apply for that job.

For the many reasons which you can probably guess if you've been reading this a while, I actually started to wonder if there was some way I could organize my touring life to accommodate such a job. The band wouldn't like it; at the very least there would have to be some uncomfortable compromise. I don't know if there's any wiggle room in which three days a week they are. And I might not be able to just go off on a several week tour and not have it impact everyone else there. The four women cover for each other when necessary.

In my earlier years I had many such jobs, temp jobs, to get me from one acting job to another or to a "better phase of life." I called them slow death, mostly; a couple were excellent but office jobs just gave me hives. It's all about perspective. When I worked I thought how easy it was to be in school. When I finally went to college, a regular job without homework seemed pretty good again. I know I'm a person who needs change every few years. This job could be an investment: a permanent part-time gig, around which I could easily schedule Reiki sessions and Celebrancy work.

Other novel attributes: regular money. Probably benefits -- Rose is checking -- and a predictable schedule. There is no question that I need more money, and I need it yesterday. Last year my bandmates gifted me with a total of $6,000 to help me get through the year. (Carol got a big inheritance!) But I can't just suppose that extra money like that is going to show up. It's stupid to be almost 50 and not be making a living. It doesn't impact them; they're rolling in money right now, their almost half a million dollar house is paid for, and Carol has a Feldenkrais clientele that is very lucrative. And here I always am, begging Dar for money and cruising for the cheap wine.

Also, now that we've arranged 2009 to include some non-gigging months, I'll be scrambling for other work then. That's when I was imagining that Celebrancy work would come pouring in. Pouring. Like gold into that pot at the end of the rainbow. But businesses don't suddenly flourish out of the gate. I know that. I'm really going on faith here. Trying to discern whether this opportunity is a gift or not. I know I need to tour less; but does it mean I suddenly can mostly tour only on weekends?

Our next England tour isn't until February of 2010. That's good. Meanwhile, though, we have Texas and a few other things that are midweek, already in place. Can Hil's boss give me a little wiggle room if I meet him in the middle? He's a great guy, and the band's biggest fan. So is Linda in reception. I've no doubt they'd be understanding, but whether that translates into a possibility is another thing.

Rose is also unsure whether it would be a strike against me that I'm her sister. Linda brought a good friend in before for this position and she was very slow and made a lot of mistakes, for which Linda felt just awful. After that she said, no more friends and family! Rose suggested I might offer to come in for 2 weeks for free to see if it would work out. All other things being possibly ironed out, or ironable, I might be willing to do that. If they can wait another five weeks for me to be available.

I haven't said anything to the band yet. It's almost like this opportunity should be coming next year, not this year. I'm not exactly prepared yet. But I am almost broke, I am thoroughly sick of touring, and I am looking at upcoming months with no guaranteed income. Hm. Maybe it's not as early as I thought.

Please send good thoughts around this situation! My little bird-heart is fluttering and hoping for solutions.