June 15, 2008

2:57 p.m.

Post-Ceremony, Pre-Walkabout

I can hardly believe I did it, but I did arise at 4:00 yesterday morning after less than 3 hours' sleep, to go out to my sunrise vigil over the lake. There was a little more light, predawn, than I thought I'd see, so setting up and everything was easy. I'd worn a sweater with a hood, thankfully. That kept the hoard of mosquitos from doing much damage. Apparently just before dawn is a happening time for them.

Silence in my little, mostly Hispanic neighborhood, except for birds; stillness on the street. It just wasn't time for breakfast yet so I had a little bit of a fizzy vitamin C packet in water and headed out.

With me were a little footstool I'd painted bright blue; a pretty batik napkin, dyed in shades of rose; a candle, a bit of incense, a little bottle of rose/salt water, a special crystal, a little jar with some wine in it, a bit of bread and honey, and, to keep my butt from the wet grass, my Mickey Mouse poncho from Disney World.

I drove into the little parking area, noticing that someone had left their MacDonald's trash on the ground.

The bullfrogs were making a symphony as I set up by the lake. I hadn't noticed where the beaver dam was the first time I'd come; it's called Beaver Dam Marsh, and I'd thought it was odd that there was no actual dam in sight. But it was there; I'd been misdirected because it had a lot of green growth coming out the top and I'd thought it was a little island.

A soft, low mist drifted over parts of the lake, reflecting a gentle pink band of cloud.

I lit my candle and incense, took a few deep breaths, and invoked the four directions from info I'd written on a piece of paper. I'm not familiar with this part so it was a little stumbly -- I started off facing south and invoking the spirits of the north, for example. Giggly, I turned myself around and started over. Well, no one was watching me except the mosquitos.

A beaver swam by near the shoreline.

Having gotten through that part, I did a moving Reiki meditation/affirmation, talked to my mom and invited her to the party later on, proclaimed my gratitude for all the years I'd lived and all the years I had yet to live, and poured my libation of wine into the earth. I promised Gaia I would try to take care of the planet. I set out my bread and honey for the nature spirits. Then I thanked my directions, blew out my candle, and listened to the morning. The whiny biters had mostly dispersed; the bullfrogs were pretty quiet; the sun wasn't apparent yet through the cloud cover on the horizon.

I had done it! It seemed time to go home; I needed a nap, and there was still some food preparation to be done before I had to leave for Carol's. I got into the car...

...but the sun was now a fuzzy copper ball and was reflecting so alluringly on the water, in between the lily pads, that I had to get out just once more and stand by the brushy edge of the lake. As I stood there watching the colors change, I heard the unmistakable "Yip-yip-yip-yoooooooooow!" of a coyote, way off in the north woods. It came again, and a movement caught my eye in the wild roses just in front of me near the bank. It was a hummingbird. I rarely see these here, and had never seen a black one with a thin white collar before. It was quite extraordinary and I watched it feed and preen for several minutes before it droned away.

Then it really did seem time to go. I went back to the car, picked up the MacDonald's trash and a couple of other pieces of litter from the parking lot (I'd promised Gaia), and drove away.

********

The rest of the day (besides my nap) was busy. The ceremony went very well aside from everything taking much longer than anyone had imagined. I learned a lot about what to do differently from this "experiment," and in the process we all had a good time and got to know each other a bit. There was definitely enough food, a relief to Carol and me. I was gifted by a couple of Carol's friends (though we'd said not to bring presents): a lovely pair of beaten silver earrings in a leaf motif, and a beautiful little book of Maya Angelou poems. Carol gave me a gorgeous, hand-painted silk scarf with leaves on it almost exactly like the earrings -- a total coincidence, and very appropriate to the logo on my Celebrancy page, which has a tree with all these leaves on it from the four seasons. Nice serendipity there.

I was very disappointed that my Reiki teacher had to cancel at the last minute -- I think it was a family emergency, because she emailed as they were packing the car to leave somewhere.

I guess it was about a twenty-one hour day for me yesterday. I slept in and have just a few tasks for today. Rose has agreed to try to get a good promo shot or headshot of me tomorrow for the brochure I have to somehow make and get printed before I come back from retreat. Not sure how all this is going to manifest, but life is just full and one can't do everything at once. Unless one has figured out how to bend space/time, and I just haven't had a moment to do that yet.

Anyway, I'm really grateful I was motivated enough to do my solo ceremony yesterday; it made a big difference in the day, and in this day, and connected me to something timely and vital. I hope to find some place near my studio where I can do private rituals of this type.

Cool and overcast today. This seems helpful for being indoors and wrapping up tasks. But I've been on the computer enough for now. Errands next, final little errands for the retreat, and tonight -- I try to tackle getting the website up. Please wish me luck. One of the things I burned in the metal pot yesterday (things we released) was fear of failure. That doesn't mean I won't take all the luck I can get!