Get your own
 diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

Cast of Characters

Mid-January, Rain - January 13, 2012
Almost Midwinter - December 14, 2011
Saturday, Noonish, Sunny - November 05, 2011
October, White - October 31, 2011
October, 2011 - October 04, 2011


May 15, 2008

9:10 p.m.

Spring Night, Home

Big sigh, laced with angst and spiritual weariness.

I spent much of the day trying to clean up my old computer so it would run slightly faster than molasses in January. When I'd done that, I immediately got stuck at the start of creating the home page, due to the vast amount of knowledge I haven't quite acquired yet in this long, bumpy, jagged learning curve.

Then I got stressed out and ate ice cream. Twice.

Around all that I did errands, paid bills (facing how much money I actually have and don't have, another very brave moment), and went to three stores to find chalk for my tabula rasa, a birthday ceremony prop. It's a very cheap chalkboard; I may have to search further for a real, slate one. But toy stores don't carry little chalkboards any more, it seems. They have big ones attached to easels. I even had to go as far as the dreaded Wal-Fart for chalk, an overwhelming experience in itself, on the level of fumes alone.

I did not go for a hike, nor did I make headway on anything else. I kept watching Northern Exposure and reading Mervyn Peake whilst waiting for my computer to clean house. Those were fun things. I watered plants; my two straggly, reddish begonias are looking greener since I've been putting them outside during the day. They like it outside. I long, long for my own house and garden. I long to putter in my own front yard, to feel planted and rooted.

Yesterday I did make my housekeeping money, cleaning Rose's house; stayed then for dinner, a wonderful meal which, inexplicably except that I'm lately prone to it, gave me terrible gastric distress later on. I do not know what is up with my G.I. track this month. Either I'm much more stressed out about the summer than I'm letting myself in on, or I'm harboring aliens. Anyway Marc told me his story about his house that got away. Long ago, in a former marriage, he wanted to buy a big, historic house in a nearby town -- one that I pass through often, in fact, and from Rose's mention of it a few months ago I figured out which house it must be -- a big, beautiful brick edifice painted white with green trim around the tall windows. He couldn't get anyone on either side of the family, his or his wife's, to help him with the down payment. Now Marc is utterly capable of fixing up an old house. Things don't daunt him. And he loved this place with a steadfast love; a love at first sight. Fifteen rooms, original fixtures and molding, preserved like a museum since 1700 on four beautiful acres, surrounded by more farmland. It had one slop sink with cold running water, nothing else, so needed plumbing and bathrooms; all five chimneys for all nine fireplaces needed new linings. He could have had it for $160,000.

His ex-wife thought he was crazy, and his father in law thought he was running a fool's errand. So he got no support, and had to let it go.

I wonder, as I think about the house in which Dar and I will live, whether we'll consider a fixer-upper and what kind of work we'll be capable of doing on a house. It does open up the possibilities somewhat.

I told Marc about the foray I took this last week, driving through the Victorian section of my town and back to the northwest of it, which was up until then a big blank spot in my knowledge. I found farmland and beautiful properties, views, horses. He was actually excited about this and we looked up the area on Google Map and figured out where it was in relation to other things we know. That's one of the great things about Connecticut; bucolic countryside often isn't all that far off.

Well, I have to pack for Texas. It's such a quick trip and I'm grateful for that, but I still can't seem to get myself psyched for it. I suspect I'm just tired of touring, plain and simple. I'm trying to keep myself positive, though, in the face of this lean time. Maybe I'll get a windfall in royalties. The company I work with has altered something in my registration so I should be getting some back money soon. May it arrive with all speed.


|

previous - next


free hit counter

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!