April 12, 2008

11:28 p.m.

Driving to Corning

Beautiful day today; warmish, some unthreatening grey clouds galloping by. I�m in the backseat enjoying the scenery and �This American Life� playing from Chris�s iPod. Five hours or so to Corning.

Last night�s gig was quite silly; we�d agreed to play just three songs at the end of an evening-long ceremony to honor someone in the local holistic community. It was kind of a lovefest and the dinner was great -- an Indian buffet, during which I counted no points at all and ate everything in sight -- but everything went long, so we got there at 6pm and didn�t even play until after 11:00. It was interesting to critique it from a celebrant�s point of view -- this is just the kind of ceremony we�d be asked to observe for class -- and think of how, if I�d created it, I might have improved upon things like flow and content. A few presenters used power point, and none of them went smoothly. Skipped screens, screens flipping ahead too fast, screen reverting to desktop. At one point Carol leaned over to me and whispered, �I just want to say that I appreciate your ability to manage the Keynote presentation in our kids� show!� I said, �Yeah, but even more amazing is that I can click through screens AND play the shaker or the kazoo at the same time!�

We did this for free, as a kind of community service. As we were packing up I said to Chris, �We broke a record tonight! This is the longest gig that we ever played, for the shortest time, for the least money!�

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Coming home, as always, was a delight. I stayed up a while even though it was late. The night before, I�d had a remarkable dream from which I awoke sobbing. I pondered the dream some more, trying to figure out what the big yellow and orange chains represented, and the thick, spongy balloons on the ends, and why I was so stricken with grief when a pinhole in the yellow one inexorably deflated it. My mother was behind me, holding me somehow and consoling me, crying too, as I held the balloon and watched it slowly let go.

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I heard from James this morning at long last. We�d emailed a bit but hadn�t talked in quite a while. He�s one month into his new, grand, big job, and loves it so far though it�s very demanding and there is one person with whom he works closely who has a very different style and isn�t liked all that much. But Jack�s a great diplomat, a strong and confident worker, and so far so good getting along with this guy. I hope he loves it longterm. (�Me love you longterm!�)

Anyway it was great to talk to him. We talked djembes (he demonstrated a couple of things over the phone, on his) and celebrancy and life. He�s made a few dietary adjustments based on cholesterol readings, and dropped a bit of the weight he�d gained since commuting to NY to work. His doctor asked him what he typically ate for lunch. He said, �A big salad and a chocolate bar.� The doc looked at him in disbelief. �Every day??� �Yes! Every day! A big salad and a chocolate bar. That�s my lunch!� I laughed and laughed. That is so James. Anyway, the chocolate bars are now a sometime thing.

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Dar says the play he�s doing is exhausting. Not a cough, not a shuffle of feet from the audience. It�s just a staged reading so they have scripts. I can hear how it pains his soul to be immersed in Nazi Germany, to play an evil being who screams maniacally and sentences people to immediate execution. Dar is such a gentle soul. Happily, they�re done with that after tomorrow.

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Speaking of gentle souls, we get to hear the Dalai Lama next weekend! I�m so excited. We�re working out our lodging for the midwest trip -- looks like we�ll have to get hotels for two of the nights, which eats into our modest profits, plus we might have to take 2 cars. It�s our last big trip before my retreat, though, and it�s only a long weekend. In fact we only have a couple of gigs in all of May, so there will be plenty of time to continue reinventing myself for my life as a celebrant. I wore one of the new outfits to the gig and felt very different and beautiful in it, softer. New hairstyle coming soon. I hope I don't look too old in short hair now. That's sounds ridiculous, but I have no idea whether short hair suits me any more.

11:09pm

Hm, I�ve shown up just in time to see 11:11.

We found a good meal in some little NY town, then continued the last two hours here. We�re staying with a lovely woman who runs the coffeehouse series where we�re playing tomorrow. She told us her story of turning 50 and realizing she was miserable in her marriage of 15 years. She was living the life her husband wanted her to live -- moving every two years whenever he got promoted, leaving her jobs behind, being the goodwife. She had an epiphany about living for herself, finally. They divorced amicably, share their two children, have Sunday family dinner every week and raise the eyebrows of many in this small, conservative town that doesn�t know how to deal with an ex-couple who still get along. Now she gets up at 4:30 three times a week to meditate, do yoga and go teach cycling classes at the Y. Last December her sister, who was 47, died suddenly in her sleep from a connective tissue disorder whose name I can�t remember. She said every day since then she�s awakened with conscious gratitude.

I think I�ll do that tomorrow.