October 18, 2007

2:31 p.m.

Welcome to the Labyrinth

(This was begun October 11th.)

What are the chances of this happening?

I was visiting with Wes last week; I hadn't seen him much for a while, what with one trip and another. He'd been out to NY state and NJ, while I was in Texas. We chatted for a while, channel-surfed a bit, and then he said:

"Oh, I went to see {touring musician whom I call Aubrey} last weekend. He was at the such and such club. He was really great!" And Wes showed me an album of Aubrey's that he picked up there. "I had only seen him once before," Wes continued, "way back in the day. Maybe in the 70s. I heckled him pretty badly that night."

"You heckled him?" I asked, laughing. "Why?"

"Oh, because I was young and drunk and not in control of myself. I'd been going through a terrible divorce and I was in a really bad state!"

"Did he remember having seen you before?"

"Yeah, he remembered that gig. I apologized to him this time!"

We laughed about that and I thought how weird it was that the TWO men with whom I have secretly gone to bed in the last year, who don't know each other, should find themselves at the same venue on the same night. I went down the hall to change the laundry.

I thought the topic was done, but when I came back he said:

"So he asked me where I was living now, and I said {name of town where Wes and I both live}. And he said, '{Name of town!} ... ... Bornearly!'" And suddenly they were talking about ME. "That Bornearly! What an artist! You know her? She used to open up for me all the time!" "Yeah, I moved into town a couple of years ago and she really took me under her wing, we're really good friends!" "Man, she lives in this world where nobody else goes!" "I love her solo work!" etc. Half of me was laughing in glee at the exquisite oddity of it all, and the other half was waiting for him to say, "Yeah, and it turns out we've BOTH SLEPT WITH YOU! Just last month, in fact!"

But that never happened.

As far as I know.

So what are the odds that my two secret rendezvous would end up talking about me at some club in another state? Is this completely weird?

A few minutes later, having a brief private time in the bathroom, an idea suddenly came to me.

Years ago, during the time when I first met Wes and his now ex-girlfriend, I gave her the URL to my Bornearly diary. I had just started it then and was excited about having a few people read it. I then forgot that I'd given it to her, and maybe once, a year or so later, I recall Wes mentioning that she still read it sometimes. Then I forgot about it again, because they weren't folks who figured prominently in my life so I wouldn't be writing about them anyway.

But then I wondered if HE had kept the address, popped in to the diary sometimes, and never talked about it.

Which made me wonder if he was actually privy to my secret life. (Although, honestly, I'm not sure he's that organized.)

I casually asked him what made him go to see Aubrey, and his reply was innocent enough. It was near where he was staying; he saw it advertised. I�ve certainly mentioned Aubrey in the past and how much I admire his work. It�s not out of the question that this would just happen. I really couldn't tell whether he was dissembling or not. And from what I know of Wes, he just isn't a lying sort. He so wears everything he is on his sleeve. Perhaps he's trying to preserve my aura of secrecy about private matters by not bringing it up, not letting me know that my cover is blown... but, you know what? It doesn't matter. It's easier to set up a password here and know that, for the first time, no one from the outside world is reading, and I don�t have to entertain any paranoid little fantasies (for which, I must say, I simply have no time).

And letting it go lends a further air of mystery to life.

We're in Wilkes-Barre tomorrow night; a four hour drive from here, not including traffic. They're putting us up in a hotel so I'll aim to get there by 3 or so, chill out, maybe work on some songs. Can you say privacy? Meanwhile a heater guy is coming in the morning to check all our gas units. There might be an upgrade in our future. These heaters work fine; I wouldn't mind a smaller model that throws as much heat, though. The one in my kitchen is bigger than my stove.

In other news, I had a perm today. I'm curly as a poodle and aromatic, to say the least. But it's not as bad as a plucked chicken.

After Pennsylvania, Saturday the 13th

It was a reasonably good trip, aside from drawing very few people at this venue (our first time there), the sound being a nightmare, and not getting paid much. And hardly any dinner. And the traffic jam on the way home in Hartford. Good points: two hotel rooms, decent sleep, and I drove my own car. And it was only an overnight.

What my landlady is contemplating regarding the heat is upgrading to baseboard gas heat. I�d gain a lot of space in two rooms, and the guy said with the right planning I could get heat in the bedroom and bathroom as well. That would make a huge difference in the winter. Maybe no more night sweats from sleeping under a mountain of covers in a very cold room. No decisions have been made yet.

I haven�t run for over a week. I guess at least all my little injuries are getting a nice rest. But tomorrow: gym. GYM.

I don�t know what to do with myself now. I have so much to do. I don�t feel drawn to any of those things, yet all feel pressing. What shall I do, what shall I doooooooooo? I just want to sit in my newly rearranged living room, doing nothing, because there�s nothing out of place there and no projects strewn about. I wish there were a Target close by. I need plastic crates. I need shelving boards. I need to go to Home Depot. I need Wes to come back into town so he can help me remove my bureau. But what I really want is for someone to come over and cook dinner for me, a really lovely and delicious gourmet dinner but low in fat and no empty calories. Then I want that person to clean up the kitchen and put everything away. Then they can balance my bank statements, do my data entry, meditate for me and make a few sound investments. I think I�ll go sit in the living room and concentrate on that.

Thursday, after a lot of that stuff was resolved

Bureau out. New, perfect shelving in. New window treatment in bathroom, using recycled sari bought in Austin, originally worn by Indian woman. New brother in law. New exercise plan not involving much running.

James was here overnight, as he was the celebrant for Rose�s wedding yesterday. We had a lovely visit; he slept on the airbed in the newly-made-wonderful living room (New altar! New rug!), and we watched Eddie Izzard on DVD.

This morning I completely redid the pantry (again), owing to moth infestation and the resulting moth LARVAE which have been crawing up my kitchen walls for a week. I thought they came from a plant or something, but James said they were moths and I realized I hadn�t gotten rid of them all last month. More stuff went into the garbage, and the few things that were inviolate got put into ziplock bags. Many larvae were hurled off the balcony onto the lawn below. (I tried not to kill many of them but, honestly, my patience finally wore out and some went into the garbage, which has been hermetically sealed and placed in the stairwell.)

Then I potted a bunch of rooted cuttings that really had to be done before leaving tomorrow.

By then I was cranky as hell because everything was taking too long.

My back hurts (car seat trouble still, and this on the eve of several days of driving), it�s 2pm and I still have 3 loads of laundry to do and miscellaneous errands, AND I�m trying to make myself go for a swim today. I may have to revise the list.

News flash: baseboard heaters going in to all 3 apartments here, probably before I get back from the midwest. Exciting, scary. Sunny (I think this is what I call my downstairs neighbor who now owns the house) assured me she�d be here when the workmen come, and would personally and carefully move anything that needed to be moved in order for them to install the baseboards. We had such a great talk. And now I really have to get on with the list. Thanks, everyone who wanted to still read!