August 06, 2006

2:14 p.m.

Three Days to Maine

Chris realized last week that he had to finalize the CD artwork before we go on retreat, so that's how he used our found days. I went over there yesterday -- Carol has been in Florida visiting with her parents, so it was just me and Chris -- and looked over what he'd done so far. It's just beautiful, as always. The fun part was looking through all the photos we've taken of Maine over the last few years, and picking the best ones for the booklet. Most of the songs were written up there on these summer trips, and we wanted to commemorate the cabin and the man who built it -- namely, Chris's dad. I was then sent home with a rather vague printout of all the pages to proofread, which I did last night.

Now I am enjoying my current favorite snack, which is Lundburg rice cakes with a thin layer of almond butter on them, then a thin layer of this fabulous stuff called, inanely, "Better'N Peanut Butter," which is, coincidentally, better than peanut butter, not to mention low in fat. I am no longer eating chocolate. Well, all right, I ate all the chocolate hiding in the freezer and fridge, so there simply isn't any more. I find it satisfying to take as large a bite as possible of a rice cake so endowed, knowing that it's mainly air inside and will chew down to a reasonable mass within seconds.

Meheil's entry about bras brought to the forefront my ongoing struggle to find a bra that fits. All the wonderful Barely There bras I just got a couple of months ago are now just a teeny bit too large towards the top. I went out and tried on a lot of other bras, A's and B's and various styles, suspecting that I am now more of an A than a B. What I discovered was that most bra manufacturers seem to think that, just because a person is an A, their tits must be a lot closer together than other, normal people. Even if the bra is a 36, those boobs have to start around 3" in from the armpit. What the hell are they thinking? So I got an "almost B" from Playtex or whoever it is that makes those, and am quite dissatisfied with it. It's too padded (where am I in there?), it shifts around, I can't get the straps the right length, and I'm sorry I bought it.

Even though, after doing my debits today and seeing just what the financial state of things has come to, I am loathe to spend any more money on anything I don't need -- my hooters must be housed appropriately! So I've taken a little chance on your La Senza success, Mh. I guess I'm out shipping if they don't fit, but I've exhausted all the popular brands in this country and they suck. And I ordered A's. I've been a B since I was 13, c'n you imagine? This is what happens as you get older. Half your boob material goes down to visit your waist and never comes back.

Dar and I were supposed to get together today but he had a Shakespeare commitment. He thought it was yesterday, but found out in the nick of time. He gets to play Shakespeare in some performance art thing, extemporaneously insulting people and speaking in a mock Elizabethan way. It's something he's done before, and he's good at improvising in general, so it'll be a breeze for him. It did give me a free day, which is fortunate, as I've been dealing with newsletter-sending problems much of the day.

Oh, I had lunch with Mike yesterday and we went to see An Inconvenient Truth. Yes, everyone should see it. I still find it a little challenging to spend time with him, as inevitably something comes up about Rose, and I know he believes things about her that I don't. He's trying to be respectful of not putting me in the middle, I think, and I don't want to silence him the moment he brings her up; but I'd rather not hear about "the investigation" or "when I was doing my detecting." Yet, you know what? Rose has a history of getting out of relationships (i.e. marriages) by getting into other ones. I have no idea whether she's telling me the truth about everything, about what happened when. And it's still not my job to try and figure it out. But it pains me nonetheless. And she's in a rebound relationship right now that is not going to be long term -- I know this just by knowing the two of them, and by how she says to me that she's continually "making no promises" to him. If I kept saying that to someone it would probably be because I planned to bail. I know she's there for practical reasons. She has four animals that she wants to be housed with; it's close to work; it's safe there. And she's itching to get her own space when finances are in place -- which they will be, soon. But I think it was still a mistake for her to move there, to be involved with him. I think she gave in to him because he'd loved her for so long, and she needed comfort. Not a reason to lead somebody on. I know because I've done it, too, and I know how it ended and how I felt about it afterwards.

My life seems glorious and cheerful by comparison! James suddenly wanted to try to see me this weekend, but it was impossible for me. It will have to wait until after Maine. Meanwhile I'm making lists and I have to buy a cooler and a new phone battery -- maybe today is a good day for that. I am content for the moment. Things are very interesting. I like that James is in my life and I don't have time to get tired of him yet. We can take turns being frustrated at not seeing each other. His life is complex and busy; I'm glad I don't have to be around for all the post-divorce restructuring.

Now my office is too hot to keep working; time to do errands.