June 29, 2006

10:03 p.m.

Sigh

Things are pretty good with me, actually; it's all these people around me who are causing all the trouble.

I've gotten to the point where I can't take in any more "he said, she did" details of the breakup. I can't know a hundred percent who did what, and it's not my job to sort it out, thank God. It's hard to be there for both parties when all this is going on, though. It's starting to spread to the community now -- differing accounts of what really happened, who did what to whom. I remember this from when Ed died -- only I wasn't part of the spreading. I just left town. But I know how it feels to have lies, or misshapen ideas, told about me. Each party has to have a slant, to gather as many allies as possible (I believe, at the time, that Ed actually referred to "the enemy camp"). I'm trying to be supportive without getting into the argument. I do feel a greater connection with Rose, naturally, but I don't want to leave Mike out in the cold -- if he'll allow me to be there for him without repeating scathing things about Rose that I don't need to hear again.

I spoke with Janus on the phone tonight. We're getting together Monday, at a place approximately halfway between our homes but not yet decided upon, for a day of perhaps hiking and nature, or maybe an aquarium, and talking. I am looking forward to it; to hearing the cadence of his voice, to seeing if he's someone I think I might get used to being around. Maybe he won't be. Our energies are quite different, I think. But at one point (this was our first phone conversation longer than two minutes) I ran out of things to say, couldn't think of anything I'd wanted to ask him, and I laughed into the silence and started talking about Rose and Mike again, just to fill it. Then I thought I was talking about nothing else, and wished I'd come up with something more interesting. Ech. Me on the phone.

Meanwhile Eggman is coming for Reiki tomorrow afternoon, and then dinner with Rose. I sort of arranged the dinner so that Eggman wouldn't stay more than a few hours. I think he'd happily suck up my whole day and evening if I let him. He pulled a muscle in his back, and was going to cancel the Reiki session. I said, "Oh, yes! Being in an injured state is the WORST time to get a HEALING treatment!" and so convinced him to come anyway.

In other news, I love my mini-trampoline. What did Carol call it? A Rebounder. I said, it sounds like something you use when you've broken up with someone. It's fun to jump around. Much better than the mini-stepper, and it fits underneath things.

Josh, Rose's boss, loaned me a couple of books by Orson Scott Card last time I saw him at their house. (Aaaggghh! The house that's being put on the market because they're splitting uuuuuuuuuuup!) The first one is Seventh Son, and it's taken me a couple of weeks to open it, but I had to go to the laundromat today so I brought it along. It was gripping from page one! Has anyone read his books? I have a feeling I'm going to plow through them, which is good since I've only just finished the latest Jasper Fforde.

And that just reminded me that I haven't done the band newsletter, and it's due like NOW. Off to work, she said, ending abruptly.