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Mid-January, Rain - January 13, 2012
Almost Midwinter - December 14, 2011
Saturday, Noonish, Sunny - November 05, 2011
October, White - October 31, 2011
October, 2011 - October 04, 2011


October 12, 2005

6:49 p.m.

Lights, Thoughts & Ciphers

The one bright spot, which blinked on like a little colored Christmas light today, is that having a root canal is actually preferable to having a tooth that aches most of the time. An hour or two of gaping, with lots of novocaine, and then some serious painkillers seems pretty tame compared to ruining my kidneys with ibuprofen indefinitely, and wondering when I'll ever be able to chew on the left side again.

Besides, this is keeping me from some very important brooding on the state of things.

Today I wished I had a job that I liked, that actually made me a living. I know the predictable becomes intolerable to me eventually, but maybe my brain is a little tired and I want to do something rote for a while. Maybe I'm just sick of being near-broke and feeling like this amazing, gifted healer/musician who, nevertheless, has to leech off of certain other people in order to fulfill her destiny. It's weird, it's wrong, it's embarrassing. It makes my tooth hurt.

I wonder if I could blenderize a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I took a look in the mirror today before showering and was mildly disgusted with the shape I'm in. I've been eating way too much crap. In a way it's good that we ate so much last weekend, because at least I had a final fling before getting back down to business.

And I'm nice and sore from working out yesterday for the first time in weeks and weeks. At least there are still muscles in there somewhere.

Good things about today:

I got a great deal of PR prep out of the way for three November gigs. It took most of the afternoon. I'm waiting for pictures to arrive, and will send the pile out on Monday.

I got around to two little sewing alteration tasks; now those pants don't have to lie around the kitchen reminding me to get out the machine every day.

I started reading the Harry Potter series over again from the beginning. I've forgotten so much of the story by now. (Can't she churn out those huge novels any faster, for my convenience?)

I'm in my beautiful blue office.

I stayed in my beautiful, multi-colored apartment the whole blustery day.

Felt warm and loved reminiscing about the awesome and expensive weekend we had, courtesy of my brother-in-law.

Ass Things about Today:

Overly sensitive smoke alarm went off after lightly toasting english muffin in clean toaster. I pulled the back out til I could fan the room of the non-existent smoke; then, when I put it back together, it started its low-battery chirp. Make up your mind.

Felt lonely.

Chewed exclusively on right side, which caused jaw fatigue, even though large percentage of food was blenderized.

********

Well, not too many ass things. And we get to be on a prominent radio show tomorrow.

********

And I'm sleeping in my own bed. That's the best thing. When I returned from the weekend I switched to my fall blankets. The apartment no longer is residually hot when I come in; windows mostly closed. Soon, soon, there will be branches where there were leaves, out my windows. I'll see houses instead of greenery, and the neon from the little pub a few blocks away. I'll be more careful about pulling the shades. There will be pumpkins, and birds will hang out at the tops of chimneys to stay warm. My neighbor's neglected pool will freeze over and all that algae and bacteria will go into hibernation. I'll have to put plastic over these drafty old windows, and the frost in the morning will swirl in wondrous fractyl patterns over each pane, every day a different message. These ciphers will mark my passage through the second winter back at Elm Street. Cheers.


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