September 20, 2005

7:26 p.m.

What I Do to Make Myself Feel Better

1. Read something fabulous.

2. Consume dark chocolate and/or red wine.

3. Buy some Gold Toe socks from Filene's.

4. Listen to crickets.

5. Watch frogs.

6. Employ my lotto-winning fantasy.

7. Quit.*

8. Eat any of the following: Kozy Shack Tapioca Pudding; Turkey Hill Fat Free, Sugar Free Cherry Fudge Ripple Ice Cream; Macoun apples; Annie's bunny-shaped pasta and cheese; bananas and almond butter.

9. Apply Attar brand Ambergris essential oil (very hard to find now).

10. Watch a beloved movie.

11. Replace old, stretched-out, not-pure-anymore undies with brand new, clean pairs.

12. Get new jammies and/or slippers.

13. Talk to my sister.

14. See #2.

So I've actually done quite a few of these things today. Getting up at 6:18 makes for a productive day, I have to admit. I'm reading On the Road by Jack Kerouac; I've had a glass of wine, though no chocolate; I am in possession of new socks and undies, and jammies to boot. I heard crickets this morning -- there is a surprising number of them here in this rather urban block -- and I counted the now FIVE frogs in Rose's little Japanese pond. Who knows where they've come from -- they keep appearing, to keep the goldfish company. I found Macouns at a farm stand today, my favorite apple in the world; did not have Annie's pasta but my own tortellini soup; and, regarding item #7, this morning I quit.

I like doing this every so often; I get fed up and miserable, trying every day to get over my anger and bitterness, get over my heartaches, get over the disturbing dreams I had last night. This unending quest for peace and happiness and meaning which seems to be my job is just sometimes an ass way to live, so I up and quit. I yell it out loud: I QUIT!! Someone else can figure out my life for me; I'm through. I'm out of a job! Don't look for me tomorrow, because I'm not showing up for work!

And having done that, I did lots of errands and laundry, spoke with Rose while she was home for lunch, and stopped by the library on the way back to pick up some diversions for the week. Our branch has a very modest selection of DVDs and videos, but I managed to come away with the following:

a) The Best of British Film Comedy;

b) Owning Mahowny, with Philip Seymour Hoffman and John Hurt (about "the largest one-man bank fraud in Canadian history"); and

c) Room with a View.

I hope these make me feel better. If not, I think I have some chocolate in the freezer.