December 03, 2004

11:01 p.m.

Code Decoded

Regarding the "hidden message" I found on the dust jacket flap of Da Vinci Code last week ("Is there no hope for the widow's son") -- Rose ventured a suggestion that perfectly links it with the book, which I had forgotten about but is coming clear now that I'm reading it -- but I won't explain it here, in case anyone is in the middle of it, or planning to pick the book up. Don't want to spoil it, you know.

My damn cold from hell is finally lifting. This was the first good day; my lungs are almost cleared up and I can breathe somewhat through my nose, most of the time. Just in time to leave for a couple of gigs in Pennsylvania this weekend. I did get a lot of music practice time in this week, anyway, though our rehearsal Thursday was cancelled.

Today I ventured out into the most spectacular afternoon I've seen in years. Half the sky was charcoal grey and threatening; the other half was blue and sunny. So there were all these forest edges lit up like gold against the dark sky. Then on the way home from errands there was pink and flashy gold in the clouds. Everything was glowing.

I checked on two rugs I'm hoping will go on sale; they weren't yet. Old Navy has closed its doors so I crossed that off the list; browsed in a discount book store and almost got sucked in for good -- but didn't find any presents there. Stopped by Rose's to pick up a couple of packages that had come for me. On the way home I picked up an evergreen spray to put over my bedroom door, and later put out the rest of my meagre Christmas ornaments. The place looks fairly festive, in spite of almost no furniture in the living room. Dinner was excellent chicken korma from a place on the local university campus.

One of the packages was three CDs I'd ordered: Tony Bennett, Doris Day and Keely Smith. They're marvellous! Why haven't I ever listened to them before?? I sat in my round chair knitting a scarf for Carol while listening to my old music, and felt quite contented (except for the parts where I start talking to my sculpture, and ask her if she thinks I'll ever fall in love again).

I also spent a good amount of time today reading, and got in a good practice for the weekend.

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I've felt that most of my recent entries have been activity lists rather than deep thoughts. I'm in a sort of holding pattern, getting the day to day organized, and trying to stay within a budget and make a living, but not really being tossed by anything or wrestling with any profound problems, or brightening with new insights. The absence of the longing for Will in my life has eased my emotional state considerably, but I'm still lonely. There are a lot of things that are okay. But I wonder about this time of life. I miss my mother. I wish I could talk to her about some of these things. Of course I do talk to her, but it's not the same when she can't answer. I wonder if she felt like this.