July 13, 2004

10:08 p.m.

Tuesday

Oh, so quick an entry... nothing big happening, just miscellany. I finally watched Shrek One at the insistence of my sister (say that 5 times fast) and BAWLED copiously, particularly when Leonard Cohen's song "Hallelujah" came on, which I'd never heard before. I was glad I was watching it alone. Sometimes there's a key that unlocks grief stored from something else that never got out, and music is often that key for me. I think there must be a very large storeroom in there; now I suppose there's a little more space in it, but what came out was deep and disturbing. In spite of that part, I loved the movie and am now primed to see Shrek Two with my sib.

I had another attic dream last night, but the guy who'd bought the house had totally renovated it and it was very posh, plush and rich. It was a party and there were people all over the house. The attic door I was looking for was actually from another dream I had years ago -- do your dreams ever show up in other dreams? -- and I thought I remembered the entry was in the bedroom, but it was clear he'd plastered over everything and the way in was lost. Then I had to go but was having trouble gathering all my things together...

In band news, our DVD is a little held up right now because I've been denied rights to record a song I wrote based on another song that's under copyright. Apparently Frank Loesser's publishers don't allow parodies, and it's quite a shame because it's a showstopper and people are asking for it. We're having a conference call with our lawyer next week to see if she can pursue it for us. If we still don't get permission, the DVD will simply not contain any of that song. Meanwhile, though, we can't even put the 10-minute promo compilation on the website because internet play also requires a license, even if you're not selling it. Bit of a snafu.

I traded messages with Will today; he's still under the gun, cramming for gigs with a day's notice and working on projects. I wonder if we'll ever have a meaningful conversation again?

Meanwhile, Dar called yesterday two or three times, and last night he gave me about a 45 minute dissertation on Napoleon, which he heard on NPR. It was actually the second installment of Napoleon that day, and it went on and on so long and I couldn't get a word in edgewise, and every ten or fifteen minutes his phone would crap out and he'd have to call me back, and then before I could change the subject he was off on Napoleon again. It was interesting to a point but I started getting desperate finally, wondering if our relationship had come to this, where he just recites NPR stories to me and there's grief inside that only comes out during certain animated films, and meanwhile I can't even get a hold of Will to say, would you please just tell me it's never going to happen between us so I can grieve and let go? So finally I jumped in and said, "You know what? I've had enough of Napoleon for tonight!" and he understood and we said goodbye.

Not a very satisfying week, as I look at the list.

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We have a bunch of very lucrative gigs coming up. This weekend we have a house concert for a boatload of hardcore fans and friends, and next weekend we have a park gig nearby and then something in NYC. I've been doing a lot of homework this week. I finished a new a capella piece for us -- barring revisions once we get into it, of course -- and am hacking away at a new bass part for one of Carol's songs. Must do another session of that before I go to bed. Guess I'll get to it.