June 08, 2004

4:03 p.m.

Snack

Projects are self-directed today. With no exact schedule or deadline I try to move, Zenlike, from one thing to another. I did take clothes to the dry cleaners and go grocery shopping before it got bloody hot; redid my altar so it wouldn't look so goofy when Will comes over tomorrow; accomplished a little more knitting. I colored my hair, which didn't come out as expected because I've had to switch shades (every good thing is discontinued) and I don't like this one as well, plus it's not even. But at least, for now, it's done.

I'm not as excited about tomorrow. Will called and it turns out he has a week of gigs in NY after he teaches his lesson, so he won't be coming home tomorrow night. Originally he was going to leave his bike here and pick it up on the way back. It'll be too hot to ride anyway, but I was disappointed that he'd already planned not to bring it because it wasn't convenient. He always says, "I won't be able to visit for as long as I'd like..." but there's never been any mention of coming here on a day when he isn't on his way to the city. I'm not sure he even would want to. I feel like a stop along the way, an auxiliary idea.

Anyway I took all the morose fridge poetry down and I plan to be cheerful and have a-a-a-all my ramparts up. I'll try really hard to expect nothing. I'll wear every talisman I can find. I'll take deep breaths and remind myself of everything I love about my life.

And meanwhile, I'm having apricots & bananas romanoff, and holy consolation, is it good.