May 06, 2004

10:18 p.m.

Have You Hugged Your Buddha Today?

Had a couple hours of rehearsal today, then to Rose's to dryer-sit. The repairman was coming over and they needed someone to let him in. When I got there, the roofing guys were there working. Big burly shirtless men with tans and hammers. One sported a long, silver handlebar mustache. I went in and located the new puppy (did I mention this?) and took him out back. Within three minutes the burly roofing guys were all in the back yard, cooing over the fluffy puppy and saying how cute and adorable he was. Very amusing.

Then Mike came back home unexpectedly to mow the lawn before all the rain comes the rest of the week, and we ate lunch while I perused their latest issue of Tricycle magazine. It's a great quarterly publication with lots of thought provoking articles about Buddhism. There was one I only touched on because we were busy talking, but I wanted to go back and read it later. It was about various ways of dealing with desire. According to one monk, you can either detach from the desire, or investigate and understand it to the point of nullifying it, or you can go way in and use it as a means of getting past it. I wondered which tactic would be effective in dealing with my desire for Will. Certainly not the first one; there is no detaching from my own arm. The third option is way dangerous, and can backfire of one does not have a good dialogue with one's emotions. Perhaps the middle choice is best for me; I do well at analyzing things, even when I'm crying.

Then the Sears dryer guy called and was on his way, and Mike said I'll wait for the dryer guy and then go mow, so you don't have to stay. Thus excused, I went home and took Fly out for another 2 hour adventure on the rail trail. O perfect day! O complete depletion of resources. When I got home I collapsed and had to have a snack... then a shower (stuff sticks to you when you're wearing a lot of sunblock), and then back to Rose's for some really excellent Chinese food.

The little black dog is doing pretty well, though today she was a little off her feed again. Since taking the antibiotics for a UTI she's suddenly a lot perkier and hungrier overall. Braela, the little black and white dog, is still barfing so she went and got another x-ray and the vet detected some kind of blockage in her stomach. So she was operated on today, but they found nothing at all. It's very puzzling and frustrating.

Meanwhile the new puppy is named Calvin; he's a Fidelco pup. Fidelco is a local organization that breeds and trains german shepherds as guide dogs. It's a fabulous group -- my band did a benefit for them a couple of years ago -- and Mike has raised numerous dogs for them over the years. The deal is, when there's a litter, they foster the pups out to families for a year and a half for very basic training and socialization. Then the dogs come back to Fidelco for real training and, it is hoped, placement with people who need them. The last two pups Rose and Mike raised were hellions. This one is a sweetie, though he's only 9 weeks old and has the attention span of a gnat. They're hoping he'll be a breeder, and if he qualifies as he grows, he'll be trained but then returned to Mike as his very own full time big dog -- only called upon once in a while for some chaperoned hanky panky.

Meanwhile, Lucy the hound has adopted Calvin and is teaching him how to play dog games.

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Back now, and tired. I'm really missing Will. He has a computer finally, and an email address, but he didn't respond to my email a few days ago and I wonder if a)it was too flirtatious and made him uncomfortable, or b)he forgot my email address and didn't know it was from me (I signed it "A Secret Fan," or c)he just isn't in the habit of checking it. Or maybe his sister is visiting and he's just not doing anything else for a bit. Anyway I miss him a lot and I wish there were someone else to think about, or talk with, or see. I'm not a very successful Buddhist today.