April 09, 2004

10:41 a.m.

Morning

I awoke this morning after having no bad dreams at all, only a rather sexy one in which I was chasing girls in school. Back to the usual. My sad virtue is intact. It's funny that I feel more disappointed and disgusted this morning than I did in the moment last night. I imagine it's the politeness gene.

When he left about 12:30, he was making half-joking comments about being thrown out in the middle of the night, probably hoping I'd change my mind. He gave me a big hug after stowing his stuff in the van and closing the side door. I noticed his backpack was still on the roof. I said, "Drive carefully, and don't forget your pack on top of the car." That distracted him enough to have to stop hugging me, and then by the time we were saying goodbye he just smiled ruefully and said, "Well, this isn't the way I imagined ending this evening..." and I wanted to say, "Yeah, because your whole idea of this evening was based on your fantasy of me, buddy, and had nothing to do with ME or anything that has previously happened between us!" But I didn't; I just laughed along with him, in my down jacket with the hood up because it had come over all cold again, and there was nothing else to say. So we said goodbye and I went inside.

And that's all I'm going to say about that.

Now I have to get some serious amounts of work done today because I'm way behind.