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April 09, 2004

1:29 a.m.

Oh! I Didn't Realize It Was a Date

Okay, so my friend of slight acquaintance who is in a long term relationship with someone in New York State who was passing through town on his way back from seeing friends in Massachusetts came by for dinner. And he tried to kiss me the moment he walked in the door.

Seeing my surprise and hesitation, though, he backed off and said, "Oh!" and we were both obliged to laugh in an embarrassed fashion and look stupidly at one another for several seconds. I think we both would have liked to rewind the last half minute and try again.

So later, as we're talking about this, I find out that he gave himself impulsive permission to do this based on some very successful fantasies he's been having about me.

Sigh.

In spite of this faux pas we managed to have a pleasant and friendly evening which included sushi, a rented movie, brownies, a few songs, some great road stories, Oh - and an offer to massage me on my living room rug. As a way to get to know each other without being intrusive. Which I declined. And, as a practical matter as we're getting out of his car, should he bring his toothbrush up or is it more likely that he'll be driving back home tonight?

Am I just dumb that I didn't see this coming?

You know, Will comes over here and we talk and read poems and laugh and cry and there is no expectation of being moved in on, however much I long for it. So I figure, well, unless it's spelled out beforehand or there's some history or at least a signal fire or two, I shouldn't assume someone's going to want to get into my pants.

I was just sadly, embarrassingly, unfortunately wrong. At least we were able to laugh about it, but now I'm wondering whether I've just lost all ability to read men, and whether it's a friendship even worth pursuing.

And what about this relationship thing? Oh, they've been together 7 years, but it hasn't been physical for quite a while now. I almost asked him if his partner goes out and gets laid elsewhere, but then I really didn't want to know. I don't do the open thing any more. It's just an excuse to fool around.

Well, I don't even do the closed thing any more. But you know what I mean.

Now it's almost 2:00 and I've missed my bedtime. What do you want to bet I'm going to have yelling dreams again?


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